Drafts.
I was reading through all my unpublished drafts.
This was me. Like a few months ago?
It wasn’t that long ago, but I found it quite amusing to read through this draft. Bringing myself through the whole thought and decision-making process again.
And amazed at what the final answer which I’ve arrived at now.
Right at the very end. I’m not sure if the final decision’s much of a bigger shock, but if you knew me well, it probably isn’t.
Anyway, this was me a few months ago.
Some of my friends were a little shocked to hear my decision.
(Prob cos I didn’t really talk to all of them when I was going through the whole decision-making process and dilemma in my head. Been keeping quite alot to myself heh, till I was more or less sure of what I wanted. Cos wah sometimes too many opinions just makes me confused, I wanted to make sure what I wanted first heh. But then eh from time to time it still feels like I’m still confused, even without too many opinons.)
But yes, I have decided.
No medicine, or more specifically not western medicine.
I’m going with what my heart (and partly mind) says.
Deciding against western medicine was actly quite a struggle.
My main reason for deciding against it may seem plain silly to some people, but nonetheless it’s something that I think is important, and something that I have decided for myself. And trust me, yes, I have put a whole lot of thought into it. It is not because I’m lazy to write the essay, or scared of the interview, but it stems from something deeper.
Before we delve into the “Sophia, why no more medicine?! *insert shocked look*”. Let me first tell you why I considered western medicine at the start.
I know that in my job, I definitely need something more people-oriented, something which allows me to be in contact with people, and to know that my job can directly help them. Doctoring seemed like the way to go, to learn the art of healing, to restore people’s health. (Although for a moment in time, I thought hopitals might be a pretty sad place, to handle the dying and grieving)
Anyway, this was me a few months ago. The draft stopped there. I added and edited some bits.
The rest of the story I’ll write if I have some other time. For now it remains in my head, on loose scraps of paper here and there while I tried to sort out my muddled thoughts, in bits and pieces of conversations, some lengthy, some short.
Sorry if this doesnt make much sense. But really, sometimes typing is one of the other ways of me simply talking to myself, which I need to do more often.
Because I realise when I’m unsettled, and without inner peace. It’s really hard to concentrate on anything else.
But the dust is starting to settle now, from then on may it be clearer and clearer. I ought to sleep. Night.
